"Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals."

I’m not confident. I’m not confident in most of what I do. I’m also a very humble person. Trust me, I’m cringing as I’m writing this. So imagine my difficulty for 4 years of being in a school of music, surrounded by confident, talented, great musicians. I always felt like a fish out of water around these people.

Now, I’m not completely left with zero confidence. I know that I’m pretty smart, and talented. I got into the school, and I’m graduating this Friday. Clearly I did something right.

But after four years at Azusa Pacific University, I will be walking across the stage, shaking Dr. Wallace’s hand, getting my “diploma”, with just as much confidence as I did when I first stepped foot on campus that ridiculously stinkin’ hot day in August of 2007 (it was about 117 degrees. Ew.). I’ve learned a lot. I have more knowledge and technique than I did in 2007, as is to be expected.

But I was reading my bible this afternoon, and I read a verse in Isaiah that got me thinking…(as most verses in the bible do in general…)

“Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.” – Isaiah 51.7-8

It made me wonder why I’m insecure about myself. What can anyone say to me that would make me think that God thinks any less of me? Because who else matters, really? What do I care if some random person who hears me sing or play piano thinks I did a lousy job? Who cares? People are going to have opinions – good or bad – no matter what. That’s life. But why am I so bent on wanting people to think I’m perfect? I know it’s a part of being human, but what if it gets to the point that it changes me? What if it’s making me less ‘me’? Making me insecure or question myself? That’s when it becomes a problem.

Now, I’m not saying I have a problem. I know when I have done well, and I can (usually) take a compliment and criticism well. But sometimes I wish I could stop and smell the roses so to speak, and not worry about what others are thinking or saying. Because the only opinion that matters is God’s, and I have it on good authority that He really likes me. :)