"Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals."

I’m not confident. I’m not confident in most of what I do. I’m also a very humble person. Trust me, I’m cringing as I’m writing this. So imagine my difficulty for 4 years of being in a school of music, surrounded by confident, talented, great musicians. I always felt like a fish out of water around these people.

Now, I’m not completely left with zero confidence. I know that I’m pretty smart, and talented. I got into the school, and I’m graduating this Friday. Clearly I did something right.

But after four years at Azusa Pacific University, I will be walking across the stage, shaking Dr. Wallace’s hand, getting my “diploma”, with just as much confidence as I did when I first stepped foot on campus that ridiculously stinkin’ hot day in August of 2007 (it was about 117 degrees. Ew.). I’ve learned a lot. I have more knowledge and technique than I did in 2007, as is to be expected.

But I was reading my bible this afternoon, and I read a verse in Isaiah that got me thinking…(as most verses in the bible do in general…)

“Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.” – Isaiah 51.7-8

It made me wonder why I’m insecure about myself. What can anyone say to me that would make me think that God thinks any less of me? Because who else matters, really? What do I care if some random person who hears me sing or play piano thinks I did a lousy job? Who cares? People are going to have opinions – good or bad – no matter what. That’s life. But why am I so bent on wanting people to think I’m perfect? I know it’s a part of being human, but what if it gets to the point that it changes me? What if it’s making me less ‘me’? Making me insecure or question myself? That’s when it becomes a problem.

Now, I’m not saying I have a problem. I know when I have done well, and I can (usually) take a compliment and criticism well. But sometimes I wish I could stop and smell the roses so to speak, and not worry about what others are thinking or saying. Because the only opinion that matters is God’s, and I have it on good authority that He really likes me. :)

Music

Music has always had a big impact on me. From a young age I LOVED music. My mom tells me how I used to sit in the grocery carts singing “Jesus Loves Me” at the top of my lungs. Now, at 23 years of age I walk around the grocery store singing along to myself and occasionally dancing down the aisles…

Not much has changed.

Music does a lot to me. Music moves me. It makes me feel, it brings back memories, it makes me think, it inspires me, it just does something inside of me that nothing else does. That’s why I wanted to make a career with it, and why I wanted to study it. Why does music do this to us? How does it do this to every person, but affect each person differently?

The four (/five) years I’ve spent at APU I’ve learned a lot about music. I’ve analyzed it, written it, studied it, memorized it, and sung it. A lot of it. Not long after I started studying music at APU I found myself listening to music less and less. As a high schooler I would listen to it all the time. Now I rarely have music on just in the background. If music is on in the background, I have to listen to it. Pay attention. Study it. Analyze it.

It’s a curse of being a music major.

I was never able to have music on in the background largely due to the fact that I was always be doing homework. More specifically, music homework; and it is really hard to write/read/study music periods, pieces, or composers while listening to music.

Trust me. I tried.

Now, I’m done with all my music requirements! I’m free! Now all I have left are Intro to Lit and College Algebra. And guess what! I can listen to music while doing this homework.

Unfortunately I have a LOT of music to catch up on. I don’t think there is enough time in the world to listen to everything that I want to…

Wish me luck. :D

Top Five Favorite APU Classes

I woke up this morning at 8am. It’s Monday, and for a split second I opened my eyes and thought about what I was going to have to do. Classes, practicing, homework, work, church stuff, cleaning or laundry…I mentally went through my check-list until I realized…I was done. I have finished all my music major requirements and all my biblical study requirements. All I have left is an Intro to Lit class and College Algebra. They will be “intensive” because they only last 4 or 6 weeks but compared to my 9 classes (3 writing intensive by the way), work, and church stuff…I think I can handle it.

Anyway, I’ve become somewhat reminiscent lately and my best friend, Andrea, gave me an idea to blog about a few of my favorite classes, so here it is. 

5. Any class with Dr. Sage. Ever. Seriously. The classes weren’t that great. Let’s be honest. I love music history a lot, actually, but Dr. Sage has one of those voices that after a few minutes you kind of just tune out. But he is one of the funniest professors I know. I mean, how can you not love such a quality professor who walks into class the first day of the semester and says, “Well class, let’s hope those Mayans were wrong!” and “Let me turn the lights off…after all, this IS a Late Romantic class.” Quality, I tell you. You have to pay attention to get his humor but let me tell you. It’s perfection.

4. Exo/Deut – “Exodus – Deuteronomy” for those of you who didn't catch that. It was actually a class studying the Pentateuch. I don’t know why it wasn’t Genesis – Deuteronomy, but whatever. It was my first bible class at APU freshman year, and not only did I meet one of my best friends, Jen, and further my fear of bald people (…yeah, just go with it, ok? I’m weird. We’ve covered that.), it was the first time I was challenged with what I believed and why I believed it. When the class was over I felt smarter and more confident in my faith.

3. Freshman Writing Seminar – This was a class was one of those “ugh, I just have to get this out of the way.” But it turned out being one of the best classes I took. Each “Freshman Writing Seminar” class is different and has a different focus of books to study, this one in particular was based on the writings of C. S. Lewis.

Uh, yes please!

I learned a lot more than writing and how to express myself with words. I learned about Lewis, his life, his beliefs, and got to dig in and get into some great discussions with my classmates. I also met a very influential professor who worked with me and helped me express myself in more than just my writing, and for her I am extremely grateful. 

2. Issues in Church Music – This was my first church music class! It was Monday/Wednesday/Friday from 8:20-9:15. Gross. I mean, I’ve handled worse. But…discussing issues in the church…not so fun to do at 8:20 in the morning, ok? I added the Church Music emphasis to my major kind of on a whim, but I knew it was the right thing to do, and after this class, I knew it was where God wanted me.

I was only a sophomore and the class was full of juniors and seniors who had already taken a few other classes before and I was so intimidated by them and their knowledge, so I hung back a lot, but as I got to know them and as I learned from them as well as my professor, I began to speak up, which if you know me, isn’t one of my strengths (which is ironically an entirely different blog post that will be coming). This class stretched me a lot, and assured me that I was in the right place.

1. Singing the Faith – Don’t judge it by the name of the class. The title is lame, but it was by far my favorite class. First of all, there were only 8 people. Four guys and four girls. There was no where to hide. The class essentially was a church music history class, and went from Gregorian chant to present day hymns and praise songs. Unfortunately there’s a music major required class that teaches basically the same thing, and about half the people in the class were also in that class, so at times it was kind of boring, but since it was discussion-oriented it was at least interesting (or we could express how bored we were because we were learning the same thing twice).

The professor is one of my favorites. I’m still mad that I only met him last semester and only got to take one class from him. He was smart, funny, joked with us, and made us learn and question and find answers.

He also assigned great projects. Which is something I never thought I’d say (or in this case type). One of our projects was to do an 8 minute presentation on a famous hymn writer. I chose Fanny Crosby, which at first, I was super excited about! The woman wrote thousands of hymns, was blind, and lived to be almost 100 years old. Come on. You can’t get much cooler than that. It wasn’t until after I started researching her life that I realized, “Yeah. You really can’t get much cooler than that. Because there was SO MUCH THAT HAPPENED IN THIS WOMAN’S LIFE.” It was impossible for me to make an 8 minute presentation. I needed 20. This woman lived such a full life, I couldn’t water it down to a measly 8 minutes. So I made my presentation, and realized if I talked fast enough I could do it in about 10. Luckily it didn’t take my professor long to realize our presentations were going to go long, and by the time I went I didn’t have to talk so fast. I think mine was about 15 minutes long.

Anyway. The class was just plain awesome. I’m pretty sure I never missed a class…which is saying something because I always get sick and I use my absences also to study or do something for another class (that’s what happens when you have an average of 9 classes a semester), but I loved this class so much I made sure I made it to every one.

*this is going to sound super cheesey and cliché. And I’m sorry. Just go with it.*

My time in these classes also made me passionate. I went into APU passionate about Christ and music, and here I am at the end just as passionate if not more so, but now I feel like I have been given the tools to DO something about it, and make a difference.
*K…I’m done being cliché and cheesy now.*

Awkward and Awesome...Monday?

I realized I forgot to do this last Thursday. I apologize friends, times are hard over here. Times are also awkward. Times are also awesome. See what I did there? ☺ This will be a condensed post, it's only 2:30 in the afternoon and it's finals week so I can only have so many awkward and awesome moments in a day. Haha So here you go. Enjoy my...well...life.

Awkward: Copy machines. Copy machines are awkward. Copy machines are actually more difficult than awesome, but let me finish the story…
So I’ve made copies of music for my professor who is going to London in June, and apparently the musicians over there wanted copies of our music. I made the copies, had them bound nice and pretty, and then another conductor asked me to scan the copies and email them to him. Sounds simple enough…
False. It wasn’t easy. The scanning machine wasn’t working right and I was holding up the line of people needing to make copies, and finally when I got a routine going and it was ALMOST done, it stopped working
So naturally, I started yelling at the copy machine and I kicked it, and in walks in my cute professor. Did I mention that I was wearing flip-flops?
Ow. My professor laughed at me and asked if I was doing ok and…I don’t really remember much after that other than my cheeks felt like they were on fire. It was really great.
Note the sarcasm.

Awesome:
After my copying’/scanning dilemma, I was walking back to my car and I was stopped by a guy who asked me a question. I answered him, he said thank you, I said you’re welcome…the usual. But then I smiled and he said:
“Wow, you have such a beautiful smile!”
 “Oh, thank you!”
“Wow. It reminds me of heaven!!” And he turns and walks away.  
Um…sir? Where are you going? Come back!!

Words of Wisdom

A wise woman told me this not too long ago. Sometimes I forget and I need to remind myself.

“Alicia, God has given you a beautiful and magical gift. Even more than that He gave you a love for music, and an opportunity to learn about it at school. How dare you think you’re not good enough enough? You are. He gave you these gifts and opportunities. Use them. And how dare you let them go to waste? No. I won't let you.
Go sing something.”

This is the same for any gift God has given us. For some it's writing, speaking, words of encouragement...whatever.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the technique of music and forget that it's something special that God gave me. I get caught up in the politics of everything and start comparing myself to others and I often come back to this conversation and remind myself that I have a gift and that I have no right to think less or myself or say otherwise.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Awkward

Picture This: a strings technique class. A fun and rowdy class of young music teacher hopefuls attempting to play a few measures of Tchaikovsky’s beautiful “Swan Lake” opera. A student raises their hand and asks a question about the position of the violin. The professor responds: “Make sure the F-hole is facing out towards the people.”
Unfortunately, the professor wasn’t clear in his articulation, and any variant of the term “F-hole” is bound to be supes. Awk. Supes, people. Supes.

Running (prancing) in front of half the choir to give someone music to borrow in the middle of the first movement of Bernstein’s Chichester Psalms.
Don’t mind me, boys! I’m just runnin’ in front of ya’ll to give this guy here some music…NOT because I want attention. Please stop looking at me and look at your music or the conductor, k thanks!

Wind + Dress + Parking Lot = …well, you can imagine.
(Side-Note-of-Awkwardness: I looked around, saw nobody and jumped for joy at my luck!...but then as I was driving away I saw two guys in the car next to mine. Awesome.)

Awesome

NAILING choral pieces I haven’t heard/read at all. Looks like this schooling is paying off…or at least I can prove that I learned something. Ha, ha!!

Equally nailing violin pieces that I haven’t looked at. I mean, then I got worse, but then I got better, so that’s all still awesome, right??

The men’s section in Oratorio. Let me tell you all, I swooned. Swooned, people. Is it ok that I have a mini-crush on every male in my choir?
What’s that? Oh yes, I do not care. Cause I do. Heehee

Successfully surviving the day without passing out, falling asleep, or dying. Granted it took 2 venti iced coffees and 2 energy drinks to do it, but gosh darn it I am going to get my work done and I am going to graduate if it is THE last thing I do!!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Awkward:

Singing Can't Touch This by myself in the mdidle of my choral conducting class. Alone.

My violin professor catching me cringing at the sound of the entire class by trying to play notes above the E string. It ain't pretty guys. It just ain't pretty.

Singing Happy Birthday to a friend who didn't want people to know it was her birthday. So obviously I thought it would be a great idea to sing it quiet...but it turned into a Marilyn Monroe impersonation (which was pretty spot on if I do say so myself...) and guess what. My choir director was sitting only a few seats away and definitely heard the whole thing.

My choral conductor seeing my huge sloppy grin when the men's section came back from sectionals and SLAYED a really difficult piece! Oh man. I was blushing.

The same professor decided to comment on my huge sloppy smile and tell the men it's a shame that they couldn't see all the girls smiling.

Awesome:

http://youtu.be/oOlDewpCfZQ (I apologize for the language. I promise it's minimal).

Slaying the violin in class today.

Hearing my choir sing the piece we've been working on after all the hard work we've all put into it. It was epic!

Getting that oh-so special email from chapel programs: "With 100% chance of rain tomorrow morning, we have decided to CANCEL this chapel." I knew I loved Living Spaces chapel...

Blowing bubbles with this:

Spring Break (Woo Hoo!!!)

Senior Year Spring Break Expectation:
Cute boys
Beach
Sunshine
Swimming
Cute boys
Fruity drinks
Cute boys
Giggling
Yummy food
Did I mention cute boys?
This was what I always expected my senior year spring break (woo-hoo!) to be like. But it was nothing like that at all. I’m not saying it was bad, just not what I expected.

My spring break was full of coffee, packing, studying, having awkward encounters with Starbucks baristas, playing piano and singing in the sanctuary, and getting lunch with my mom.
Lucky for me, I love doing all these things (minus the awkward encounters, but I’m learning to live with that…).

My break wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but it’s ok. Honestly, I can’t complain about only having an “ok” spring break on Easter. I didn’t give up my son, watch him be tortured, and die on a cross for everyone’s sins. Really, Good Friday put everything into perspective.

After reflecting about break I realized that:
There were cute boys around once in awhile
I talked about the beach so much I felt like I was practically there!
The weather was great
I saw The Lorax, and there were people swimming (does that count?)
I had a fruit drink this morning for breakfast
I giggled a lot. Whether that be at myself for singing aloud in Starbucks or at the little kids comments during The Lorax, or at my high schoolers for just being awesome…
I went to Taco Tuesday at Casa Orozco, went to Demitri’s, the best Greek place ever, Ale House, In-n-out, AND Cheesecake Factory.

It wasn’t what I expected, but I wouldn’t change it. ☺

Five Socially Acceptable Things Amongst Music Majors

1. Coffee/Energy drinks constitute as a meal.
There is no time to eat. No time.

If you're like me, then you wake up in the morning, and whatever time you allowed yourself for breakfast is swapped for just 10 more minutes of precious sleep. Precious, I tell you.

2. Naps = a good nights sleep
Sleep is a rare commodity. Between the 18 units, 10 classes, jobs, study time, practice time, and gigs, it is often that we get no sleep. But that's ok. We can sleep when we're dead, right?

Raise your hand if you've ever fallen asleep on a piano in the practice rooms...yep. Thought so. It's ok. We've all been there. See #1.

3. Social Life? What?
Social...life? Did I type that correctly? I'm sorry. I don't understand what that is.

What? You're saying other people go home after class?? What about their rehearsals and hours and hours of practicing, arranging, composing, and studying?!

What is this witchcraft you speak of?!?!

4. Playing/Singing loudly
I'm sorry, did you need to be able to hear? Well I'm so sorry, but I have to have this HUGE Mozart piece memorized by this afternoon so don't mind me, I'm just going to sit here in a public place surrounded by tons of people and practice.

5. Avoiding Those who are Sick Like the Plague
"Oh my gosh, are you sick??...oooooh, ok....."
**moves across the room**

We can't afford to be sick. And honestly, if one of us gets sick, we all get sick. And if you're playing gigs every weekend, you just really can't be sick. Sorry. So don't be offended if we ostracize you. It's not personal. It's just your body is a blob of toxic-ness waiting to overtake our bodies and prevent us from doing anything.

I'm sorry, was that dramatic? Ok. Don't mind me, I'm just going to sit at the other desk...literally across the room...

Stereotypes

I'm a music major. And if you didn't know that, then...well...get glasses.

I had choir today, and the conductor needed to get a husky tone from the sopranos, and it just wasn't happening. He mentioned that if he were asking the altos, this wouldn't be a problem which prompted me to think:
1. Ouch. That's harsh for the sopranos! And
2. Haha...yeah...

Which got me to think about choral stereotypes, which inspired me to share these stereotypes with you.
Side Note: Stereotypes ALWAYS have exceptions. Always. I am friends with many of these exceptions.

Sopranos:
Dainty. Self-obsessed. Divas. High-strung. Know-it-all-but-really-doesn't. Loud. Annoying.

Altos:
Relaxed. Smart. Easy-going. Actually-knows-what-they're-doing. Tomboy. The "cool" ones.

Tenors:
The "pretty-boy". Diva. Preppy. Know-it-all-and-usually-does. Thinks-they-are-God's-gift-to-women.

Basses:
The "manly-man". Relaxed. Funny. The-ones-who-don't-want-to-be-in-choir.



There you go. Now if you join a choir you'll know what/who to look out for. :)

I Whip My Hair Back and Forth

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

My hair is long. Like...super long (for me).
I started growing it out...I guess a year and a half ago. I went back to school and I just didn't get my hair cut. I got it trimmed once or twice but that was it. After awhile it started getting long (shocking, right?) and I decided I wanted to grow it out for my brother's wedding that way I could do basically anything I wanted.
Well I ended up putting it up (and my me I mean my fabulous mom) and I think it was actually a little too long for that but we twisted it and made it work. Ha!
But after that I liked having long hair and I decided to keep growing it out, but now...it's been getting awkward.

First of all, it gets caught in my seat belt ALL THE TIME. And it hurts! Seriously, every time.

Secondly, I live in Southern California. I wear tank tops a lot. I also wear my hair down. It's easy. I shower, dry my bangs, and go. But...my hair is so long that it gets caught. Under my arm.
Ok. My arm pit. It's weird, and gross, and worse: it tickles. Wah.

Thirdly, and most awkward of all, it goes down the front of my shirt. And the worst part of that is it tickles, and in the middle of class I FREAK out and wonder WHAT is going on down there and glance down, realize it's just my hair, pull it back, and we're good to go.

So there you have it friends. Was this too much information?
Probably.
But did you laugh at all?
I hope so. Otherwise this is just awkward.

The Opera

I went to the opera!

Sounds awesome, right?
Um...well....it was a small little building that apparently used to be a mortuary. Ok? Do you see how strange this is already?
I went with my friend Becca and we had decided to dress up, so I curled my hair, spent more than 5 minutes on my makeup, wore my favorite pink dress, and wore my 4-inch heels. I looked good, ok?
We get to the opera, and there are only old people. Old people in sweat suits.
No big. I don't care.
And the opera begins:
Act 1: Boy goes to Girl's house to propose. Girl is so distracted talking on the phone Boy has to leave to catch his train. Girl notices Boy is missing and becomes sad. Boy calls girl from the train station and proposes over the phone, she says yes, everyone is happy!
Act II: Boy and Girl have apparently ended their engagement. Girl is living in France and has taken up a younger lovaaa, who is ending their relationship because New-Boy is getting married. Girl is very sad (cray-cray-sad...wrapping-the-phone-cord-around-her-neck-cray-cray) and talks to him saying good bye and assuring Boy that she'll be ok.
I'm pretty sure she ends up dead at the end...not quite sure. It was weird.

The point of this is that during the intermission the actor from Act I came to sit in the audience with an older lady, but right before Act II started he suggested that they change seats. So they get up, and he leads her over to me. And they sit next to Becca and I.
Ok. Random. People usually leave a buffer, and there were plenty of other seats, but...whatever.
They sit down, and Act II starts. A few minutes into it I get this weird feeling...a feeling like someone is watching me...
So I turn and see this:



CREEPY, RIGHT??????

I did NOT know what to do. I think I ended up smiling and looking back at the stage, but the entire time I kept using my peripheral vision and he kept looking over the rest of the opera.
I'm slightly traumatized.

The point of my story is...when going to the opera, don't be the hottest looking one there. You WILL get creeped on.
Watch out for them creepers. They'll get cha.

**The picture is from Google. I have no idea who he is.
Sorry for the potential nightmares...

A Literal Day in my Life

7:30: Alarm goes off, hit snooze...for a half hour.
8:00: Wake up, shower, get ready
8:30: Realize I sped this morning and have time to get together snacks and have time to watch something on my laptop
9:10: Leave for chapel
9:30: Chapel (today it was...well, it was bad.)
10:20: Go to the convenience store on campus with a friend to get caffeine
*you know it's going to be an interesting day when you start drinking soda at 10:30am. Just sayin'
10:40: Late Romantic & Early 20th Century Music History class (I aced a test in this class today, thank you, thank you)
*I picked my term paper too: comparing and contrasting Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty ballet to Disney's Sleeping Beauty soundtrack. I am stoked!
11:50: Orchestration.
There is really nothing exciting about this.
1:05: Senior Seminar - where we discussed angels, demons, spiritual warfare, marriage, and our topics, mine which changed. I'll now be writing about the importance of BOTH hymns and contemporary praise songs. Boom.
3:30: Class dismissed early because the room is FREEZING and we were basically done anyway.
Because I live in southern California, that means that the AC is cranked up, and sometimes the AC gets stuck. Which means it may be scorching outside, but it is arctic inside. Not. Cool. (pun intended)
3:40: Homework/Study/Reading/Cleaning time.
5:30: Break for dinner (this is rare. Yay me!)
6:00: Back to more homework/study/reading/cleaning
10:00: Take a break...decide if I'm going to pull a "late-nighter". Not an all-nighter. Not this early. That's just unfair.
So far I've decided to NOT pull a late-nighter. Realistically I only have 3 classes tomorrow, which I don't have anything due in. So I can work on stuff tomorrow as well. So now I will watch something or read something fun and go to sleep at a descent hour, to do this all over again tomorrow.
*sigh* Good thing I like my classes or else this could become extremely mundane...