I'm a pusher, Kady!

I have this nasty habit of pushing myself to a point where my body does weird things.
For instance, gets incredibly excellent in catching colds, exhaustion, dehydration, and most recently discovered, the flu!
Unfortunately all of these things suck. So it's not that great.
I also have another nasty habit of stressing myself out (at least) once a semester to the point of a mental/physical/emotional breakdown.
Once again, suck-ish.
I also have another habit (it can be nasty, but sometimes it can be pretty awesome!) of switching the conversation to ANYTHING else.
Here's where all these things come together...
Last Monday night a good friend picked me up to go to senior chapel. We talked pretty much non-stop to our seats, and picked up on our way back to his car.
I also managed to keep the conversation not about me.
It wasn't till he parked outside my apartment that he realized my deception (although I don't think he thought of it as "deception") and asked me how I was doing.
I laughed and told him that we didn't have enough time.
So he gave me "5 minutes" and turned off the car and leaned back and looked at me.
And I kind of...gave up.
I like keeping up this strong front. Like I have everything together. I'm very organized. I like this front. I'm comfortable with it.
But there are times where I can't keep it up. And I shouldn't have to, but I feel this need to keep it up anyway.
But at this point in time I was so exhausted that I just broke down.
I told him how stressed I was and that I felt like I wasn't keeping up or doing anything right, blah, blah, blah.
After much more than 5 minutes, I sat there playing with my keys in my lap trying to distract the conversation to anything else.
Which worked. For like...1 minute.
He's a wise one. :)
He asked me what he could do and I told him with a heavy sigh that I had no clue.
So he took my hand, and prayed for me.
And I broke down. And I cried.
But it was good.
Have you ever had a good cry? Where you cry healing tears, or you can feel the worry and stress come out through crying?
Anyway.
I felt a better. And then I heard him say the words:

"You're so hard on yourself."

He said it quietly, but each word felt so heavy and big. Because it's absolutely true.
I told you. He's wise. ;)
Those words have been swimming around my head ever since he said them.
But my question is...how do I change that? I need to be hard on myself to discipline myself. But clearly I need to do it in a healthier way...but I don't quite know how yet.
But it's been in my thoughts since Monday.
And if I figure it out, I'll let you guys know.

But for now, your prayers are extremely welcomed. :)